I just had wonderful news – I’m going to be rich!

Mr. Goodluck Jonathan (he has a Ph. D.!) has promised me some money – and in such an amusing way!  Here’s the meat of his note, unaltered.

Dear Beneficiary,

We apologies for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences and inflict that we might have indulge you through. However, we were having some minor problems with our payment system, which is inexplicable and have held us stranded and indolent, not having the aspiration to devote our 100% assiduity in accrediting foreign contract Payments.

We apologize once again. From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal government of Nigeria , your name and Company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not yet received their payments. I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square whole and can be voguish, for that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.

Also note that from my record in my file, your outstanding contract payment is US$5,500,000.00 (Five Million Five hundred thousand United States dollars). Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:

1. Name:

2. Address:

And yes, I really do get the money – Goodluck said so!  Of course, I am confused as to why he’s using a Gmail account for sending his email  – maybe all the good names were taken in the Nigerian government database.

But anybody who is indolent and yet still recognizes the square whole can’t be all bad.  Can they?