Since Bettie neglected to be in Oprah’s audience and win us a flight to Australia, I guess I will have to get us there.  I will be working as an editor at The Australian, and we’ll live just outside Sydney.

They will hire me because I can fix sentences like the one from this story on the nascent Australian Tea Party:

The modern US Tea Party movement draws inspiration from the Boston Tea Party of 1773, which was a protest by American colonists against British taxes and emerged in the United States in 2009.

I would make it clear that the modern Tea Party has not been in hiding for two hundred and thirty six years.

Well, maybe they won’t hire me for my skills in one sentence.  Maybe I’ll have to get hired by the local paper.  This is from a sad story about someone skateboarding at night and being hit by a car, and killed.  Again, my editing skills are needed.

The victim was Joshua Pflum, 17, troopers said.

He was hit by a 2003 Ford Taurus, driven by a 16-year-old Cincinnati teen. He suffered minor injuries.

Dear Cincinnati Enquirer: ask yourself who the subject of each sentence is.  “The victim”, “He”, “He”.  One guy.  Same guy, who was not killed while suffering minor injuries.  In order to make it work, drop the period after teen and change He to who.

And they wonder why we’re snickering behind our newspapers.