Bettie and I watched The Five People You Meet In Heaven over the weekend. Interesting flick – a tear-jerker. They knew how to press buttons. And most decidedly a chick flick.
So I’m trying to figure out a manly movie to watch, to cleanse myself. On Saturday I used the chainsaw the first time, cutting down a couple trees that were endangering our driveway. That helped. Tonight I replaced a light bulb in the carport and put a new bulb in a halogen work lamp. Those help. But I’m still missing something.
Schwarzenegger and Stallone won’t cut it. Steven Seagal doesn’t even come close. Bruce Willis, maybe – we haven’t seen Die Hard 4 yet.
But I need a massive dose of manliness, so I’m thinking of writing my own movie. I’m not sure about all the setup parts and plot lines and cast, stuff like that, but here’s the ending sequence:
The hero (he probably doesn’t have a name, that’s how macho he is) jumps out the car window as it goes around a curve (the car is driven by the romantic interest, but she’s really a Russian spy named Natasha, which the hero has figured out just before the curve. She’s really trying to kill him, but because the car is off-balance now, the car slides and crashes, blowing up spectacularly. We don’t know whether Natasha lives or not [probably not], and it doesn’t matter) and he goes over the cliff, where he can use his cliff-diving skills (it would make a neat flashback sequence for when he learned how to do this from his friend Manuel – great sunset shots) while escaping from the ropes that Natasha had him tied with (have to invent some story about why he was tied up) so that he could pull out the pistol his father gave him (probably a military pistol, used in Iwo Jima) and shoot the space alien (note: insert some space alien background before this), after which he climbs out of the water, kisses his real girlfriend (they went to grade school together), and they ride a motorcycle off into the sunset, stopping off at a diner to pick up big thick juicy cheeseburgers to go, and to get his dog.
The ending credits roll over a classic rock song, while John Wayne smiles down approvingly.
Yep – that should just about do it for a manliness stock-up. Except that it all has to be filmed and set in Manly, Australia.
Just to be safe.