“With who?”

I have used this joke before, but it’s a good one.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are attending an ecumenical conference in another town, and they stop at a bar at the end of the day. The priest pulls out a deck of cards and pretty soon they’ve got a little poker game going — only to be busted by an overzealous policeman enforcing the town’s strict anti-gambling laws. So they’re hauled before a judge the next morning, and everybody’s kind of embarrassed about it, including the judge.

“Look,” he says, “just tell me you weren’t gambling, and I’ll let you go.”

“Well,” says the priest, “gambling qua gambling seems to me to imply some sort of intent to win money or with the idea that it would exchange hands at the end of the evening, whereas considering a hypothetical situation such as the one we were engaged in where the money is taking on more of the role of a token merely for tracking the interplay of the game and the relative …” and so on.

“Fine,” says the judge, “You can go.”

The minister steps up. “It seems to me that given divine foreknowledge of all events, even if we mortals are not so gifted raises the question of whether gambling as a concept can really ..” and so on also, and is similarly dismissed by the judge, just leaving the rabbi in the courtroom.

“Well?” asks the judge. “Rabbi, were you gambling?”

The rabbi looks around and shrugs his shoulders. “Gambling? With who?”

Good humor – but what if it was real?  Oh, not word-for-word real, but at the core of the humor is that it takes multiple players for some things to work.  And that’s where this little piece of news comes in.  Seems that some hackers broke in and stole something from some computers.  Oh, not credit card info.  Not personal information.  That’s so last decade.

They stole carbon offset credits.

Huh?  The whole carbon offset, cap-and-trade thing hasn’t yet been foisted upon introduced to us here in the States.  Oh, this was in progressive Europe.

So in places where they have bought into the collapsing theory that man is causing Global Warming, they have set up a trading exchange where they can buy carbon offsets and feel good about polluting I mean help Mother Earth with therefore own carbon offsets, somebody has broken in and stolen four million dollars worth of hot air.

Nope – can’t call it that.  But somebody stole $4M of something that somebody thought was worth that much.  Authorities are hot on the trail of the miscreants.

I can’t wait for some poor lawyer to try explaining this to the judge.  Or the jury.

Prosecutor: “The victim paid $4 million so that they could go 0n polluting, because somebody somewhere else wasn’t polluting, and then THIS MAN broke in and stole it.”

Judge: “Stole what?”

Prosecutor: “Ummmm, non-physical indicators that somebody somewhere else would create less carbon dioxide.  I think they were going to breathe more slowly, or not exhale as much.”

Judge: “Four million dollars’ worth??”

The big problem I see is trying to dispose of the stolen whatevers.  Imagine taking them to the local flea market . . .

“Hey, buddy, want to buy some cheap carbon offsets?”

“Are they hot?”

Things that make me go WOW

A couple really neat things that God has done with his creation.

The first is roll clouds.  These are things that form when a front hits another one under the right conditions.  Not attached to anything else, these are independent (and rare) clouds.

(copyright Daniela Mirner Eberl, used under Creative Commons license)

These look similar to the only-in-Australia Morning Glory cloud formation:

(copyright Mick Petroff, used under Creative Commons license)

The other “wow” thing is more permanent, and available to anyone willing to travel.  In Thailand, on Krabi island, is a sea stack.  I saw this in a calendar, and it resonated with me.

(picture by andatche, Creative Commons license)

This is not the James Bond island, which I would have known if I had seen any James Bond movies.

It’s also not Strombolicchio, but that was a cool picture, too.

(picture from giopuo, under the Creative Commons license)

What I did on my winter vacation

We’re in the midst of being snowed in.  There’s a big snowstorm coming through.  We picked up supplies, and will make it to church on Sunday, but we’re spending Saturday in the house.  There’s a car race on Saturday night, and probably some snow shoveling before that. And there’s food.  We have plans for a fried potato and onion breakfast, and something scrumptious for lunch (don’t know what yet), and cooking for the church’s Superbowl party Sunday evening.  Bettie is making sloppy joes, and I’m making something based on this recipe. It was recommended by a co-worker, and I’m using it as a base instead of as a blueprint.

INGREDIENTS:
8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup blue cheese or ranch salad dressing
1/2 cup any flavor FRANK’S® REDHOT® Sauce
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese or shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cans (12.5 oz. each) SWANSON® White Premium Chunk Chicken Breast in Water, drained

DIRECTIONS:
HEAT oven to 350°F. Place cream cheese into deep baking dish. Stir until smooth.
MIX in salad dressing, Frank’s RedHot Sauce and cheese. Stir in chicken.
BAKE 20 min. or until mixture is heated through; stir. Garnish as desired. Serve with crackers or vegetables.

I’m doubling the recipe.  Two packages of Philly cream cheese (another one of those brand affiliation things), a bottle of Kroger bleu cheese dressing, a cup of Chi-chi’s medium salsa (I never met Frank, but I still miss the restaurant), Kraft mozzarella cheese (it’s a name brand, but it was also the cheapest), and Tyson chicken (as if the brand of chicken matters here – Tyson was cheaper).  Where the recipe indicates “crackers”, I’ve gone with Town House crackers and Tostito scoops.

The recipe is a basic “hot up the wet stuff and eat it with the dry stuff” one.  I’m making this Saturday, tweaking the recipe as needed, and nuking it Sunday evening at church.

Sin

This post is about sin.

No, not the Catholic Archbishop from the Philippines, Jaime Sin.  And not the trigonometric function.  And not the Semitic letter, which looks like a W but got tipped on its side to make a sigma, which became S.

No, we’re talking about the old-fashioned wrong thing.  Sin.  Badness.

At our small group the other night, the minister asked us to define “sin”.  Bettie looked at me and we smiled, because both of us had been to a church school, and had it drilled into our heads.  We could say it in our sleep.

Sin is a willful transgression of the known law of God.

I put it out there into the group as a definition (not the definition – my last name isn’t Webster, and that’s not what they were looking for).  We read through what Max Lucado said in his study guide on this week’s lesson, the fear of disappointing God:

To sin is to disappoint God, ignore His teachings, deny His blessings.  Sin is “God-less” living, centering life on the center letter of the word sIn.  The sinner’s life is me-focused, not God-focused.  And because the sinner’s life is focused inward, fear is rampant.  A sinful life is absent the bedrock of God’s grace, something we will only know when we look toward God.

Good stuff.  And then Poppa T, a wise man, read Romans 3:23

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

He said that the two terms are not necessarily identical and interchangeable, but that it’s a good working definition: sin is falling short of God’s glory.

While this conversation is going on in the room, I am processing my rote definition of sin.  I am realizing that under that “known law of God” definition, I am always living in a legalistic state.  Everything gets compared to this “known law” thing.  Is speeding a sin?  What if it’s for a good reason?  What if there’s an emergency?  What if I’m a police officer or an ambulance driver?  Laws multiply to cover alternate situations.  We need an attorney to figure out whether or not we’re walking with God.  And that’s not the way it should be.

Wesley’s “willful transgression” puts the emphasis on my work, on me policing myself.  Plus, it’s not Biblical.  See Leviticus 4:13, 4:22, and 4:27 excerpted here:

If the whole Israelite community sins unintentionally

When a leader sins unintentionally

If a member of the community sins unintentionally

Now maybe I’m reading it a little cater-wompus, but it seems like it’s possible for a person (or even a nation) to sin without it being a willful transgression.

So now what?  Are we to be like Paul, who does not even examine himself (1 Cor 4:3)?  Maybe, yes.  But that freedom is not license to sin.

Are we to be like King David, who danced before the Lord so exuberantly that he was “uncovered” (2 Sam 6:16-22)?  At times, perhaps.

Maybe we should be like Jesus, who says in John 5:19

the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner

and then in the same chapter, vv 22-23

the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

We need to be like Jesus.  We need to be Christ-like.  Doesn’t mean it’s easy.  Doesn’t mean it will be a walk in the park.  It may be a walk in the Garden of Gethsemane.

But it will be good, and it will be real.  It will be a friendship, not a courtroom.

I am not a ham

Nor am I a “resource”, human or otherwise.  But my favorite place for church signs thinks differently.

I really wasn’t aware that life was a disease that had to be surmounted.  I can almost understand the “managed” part of it, but not in this context.  Just a little strange.

This was taken at the same time as the “recycle” sign.  So you could pick which side of the sign to disapprove of, I guess.  An equal opportunity confuser.

Parrots like Tony Stewart

But his owner wanted to see Carl Edwards do a backflip.

Oh, yeah, they’re reporting it as the parrot making too much noise during the race, and the guy shooting it with a BB gun.  But we Tony Stewart fans – me and the dead parrot – know what it was really about.

Tony was racing for his first win as an owner/driver.  And he did it, scraping by on fumes as a fuel gamble paid off by six seconds.

And the parrot couldn’t help crowing about it.  Not a wise move on the bird’s part, being cooped up in a cage and all.  Makes it hard to escape.

Late-breaking news: I have it on good authority that the parrot is not dead – he’s resting.

Cool Tool Tuesday #10

Today’s cool tool will be a little like looking in a mirror – I’m going to write about the tool I’m writing with - WordPress.

WordPress comes in two flavors.  There’s the free software that you can run on your own servers and customize like there’s no tomorrow.  Be my guest – we’re going to talk about the one that is hosted on wordpress.com.  There are tons of fancy features, and the price is right (like all Cool Tool Tuesdays, this is free).  You can sign up off their home page.  It’s easy:

Your user name can be your blog name.  You can have multiple blogs if you’re so inclined.

Next, pick a theme for your blog.  I use Tarski, which lets me put in a custom photo, but they have almost 80 different choices.  You can play around some, too.  This is how my blog looks with the Regulus theme:

I’ll stick with what I have now.  Next, you can fill in your “about” page with something about you.  Or make something up, or borrow one from somebody fun (as in, not this one).

Finally, add a new post.  The entry screen looks like this:

with space for the title and then the contents.  The buttons show what they do when you float your cursor over them:

Making a link is as easy as selecting some text and choosing the chain icon:

Drop in the URL, choose a target (I pick “open in new window” so that people don’t navigate away from my blog), and then press Insert.

The last thing that I’ll explain is uploading pictures.  That’s the square box next to Upload/Insert, which is above the B for Bold.  Press that icon and you get a pop-up for loading pictures.  I tend to have the pictures on my computer instead of pointing to another one with a URL.  There’s always the chance that they will turn the picture you’re pointing to from a cute kitty into something less cute (you’re pointing to a name, not a specific picture).  After you have your file picked out, hit the Upload button.  I don’t bother with titles or alternate text.  I hit Insert into post and it goes in right at my cursor.

It will resize your pictures for you.  For my blog, the real maximum width is 490 pixels.

If I’m bringing in pictures from Picasa, the procedure is just a bit different.  Go to the picture you want from Picasa and press Link to this Photo.  I pick a size of 400 pixels and check the Hide album link box.

Then I copy the Embed Image line, come back to WordPress, and press on the HTML tab at the top right of the writing area.  I paste the code in where I want it, and then switch back from HTML to Visual to see how it looks.

Have fun.  Play around.  Try the Preview button to see how your post works.

And don’t forget to write!  There’s a world out there that wants to hear you.

Slanted

I’ve always been curious, at least when I realize there’s something to be curious about.  I remember when my Dad took me to see the radio station next to the church growing up (WEAV or WIRY?  I don’t remember).  I was amazed at all the records that they had inside.  He said something on the order of “Surely you didn’t think they had all the bands performing the music in the studio!”.  He wasn’t mean, just shocked.  I had never thought about it, one way or the other.

This time I’m aware of it.  The object is an article in the New York Times that has my “howcum?” radar buzzing.  Well, it’s two articles.  But really only one.  Except it’s not.

I follow the AP news feed from NYT.  Lots of stories, straight text so they load faster, and frequent updates.  Sometimes those updates mean you get the same story twice.  I mean a duplicate, word-for-word copy.  And then occasionally will be two flavors of the same thing.  Not a correction (fix first graf Pres Obama sted Clinton), but a different spin using the same framework, from the same author.  I’m going to look at the differences in one example and see if there’s a “why” behind the “what”.

Here are the two articles (on a minister dealing with cancer): shorter and longer.  The stories were published a minute apart, longer one first, with the shorter one getting ABRIDGED added to the URL, but no notice in the story.  I think they were afraid of getting something out there that was not for publication.  On to the differences.

<Steve goes away and works for a while>

Ooooh.  The short version contains 67 lines.  The long one has 95.  Ain’t no way I’m going to dump 28 differences in here.  Some highlights instead:

First change:

Another cancer patient Chandler has gotten to know spends his time in radiation imagining that he’s playing a round of golf. Chandler on this first Monday in January is reflecting on Colossians 1:15-23, about the pre-eminence of Christ and making peace through the blood of his cross.

Another cancer patient Chandler has gotten to know spends his time in radiation imagining that he’s playing a round of golf at his favorite course. Chandler on this first Monday in January is reflecting on Colossians 1:15-23, about the pre-eminence of Christ and making peace through the blood of his cross.

Nothing major.  An interesting shortening is in the description of his church:

One of Chandler’s sayings is, ”It’s OK to not be OK — just don’t stay there.”

One of Chandler’s sayings is, ”It’s OK to not be OK — just don’t stay there.” In other words, your doubts and questions are welcome at The Village Church, but eventually you need to pull it together.

Directly followed by a line completely dropped from the shorter story:

He’s also been known to begin sermons with the warning, ”I’m going to yell at you from the Bible.”

And then a slam at Rick Warren or Max Lucado:

Chandler’s long, meaty messages untangle large chunks of Scripture. His challenging approach appeals, he believes, to a generation looking for transcendence and power.

Chandler’s long, meaty messages untangle large chunks of Scripture, a stark contrast to the ”Eight Ways to Overcome Fear” sermons common to evangelical megachurches that took off in the 1980s. His approach appeals, he believes, to a generation looking for transcendence and power.

One line that makes it through unscathed is this:

His theology teaches that all men are wicked, that human beings have offended a loving and sovereign God, and that God saves through Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection — not because people do good deeds. In short, Chandler is a Calvinist, holding to a belief system growing more popular with young evangelicals.

It’s a bump against those of us who don’t follow the Reformation movement, and he missed several petals of the TULIP, but it’s not bad at all as an introduction to Christianity to people living in a secular world.

The final change:

Chandler is drinking life in — watching his son build sandcastles at the park, preaching each sermon as if eternity is at stake — and feeling a heightened sense of reality.

Chandler would rather this not have happened. But he is drinking life in — watching his son build sandcastles at the park, preaching each sermon as if eternity is at stake — and feeling a heightened sense of reality.

Steve’s assessment: no bias in the abridgment.  The longer version adds a lot of details that make the story come alive, but the shorter one is not slanted.  Good job, AP/NYT!

Round and round

As this entry is posted, 4AM Sunday January 31, 2010 (automatically, thank you.  The fingers and brain are asleep.), the Rolex 24 hours of Daytona race is half-way over.  Details are here.  I won’t get to see any of it, not having the Speed Channel.  I’d like to attend someday, and watch the whole thing.

I will be watching the Bud Shootout, that Bettie and I attended back in two thousand and small-number.

And at least taping the Daytona 500, which falls on Valentine’s Day this year.  Oh, the dilemma . . .

Speaking in tongues

I believe the Bible is true.  Literally true.  I don’t claim to understand all of it (for instance, there’s the creation thing, and the whole salvation/indwelling of the Holy Spirit thing), but I believe it is true, and live that way.

I understand that some of the Bible is poetry, and not meant to be interpreted literally.  In Deut 32:11 and Ps 91:4 it says

Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,
That hovers over its young,
He spread His wings and caught them,
He carried them on His pinions.

He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

I do not take it to mean that God has feathers.  It is figurative, not literal.  I have problems with people who take the symbolic thing too far, too.  When God is dressing down Job for playing a know-it-all, God talks about the mysteries He has created:.  Job 39:26-27 talks of those birds God knows so well:

Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars,
Stretching his wings toward the south?
Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
And makes his nest on high?

And then God brings out the heavy guns – Behemoth.  In Job 40:15-18, God says

Behold now, Behemoth, which I made as well as you;
He eats grass like an ox.
Behold now, his strength in his loins
And his power in the muscles of his belly.
He bends his tail like a cedar;
The sinews of his thighs are knit together.
His bones are tubes of bronze;
His limbs are like bars of iron.

The NASB has a note that Behemoth could be a hippopotamus.  Hippos are known for many things, but their tail is not at the top of the list.  God calls it a cedar.  I’m not seeing cedar here:

(picture from candescent)

Strength in his loins?  Yep.  Power in the muscles of his belly?  Check.  Sinews of his thighs?  Gotcha.  Bones being tubes of bronze and limbs being bars of iron?  A bit poetical, but no argument.  Tail like a cedar?  Don’t try to tell me that God got all allegorical right at that one point.  Behemoth is not a hippo, hungry or otherwise.

I found a real interesting passage as I was reading through Luke recently.  It can come down firmly on multiple sides of that literal/figurative fence, and still stands up.  In Luke 13:6-9:

And He began telling this parable: “A man had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and did not find any.
“And he said to the vineyard-keeper, ‘Behold, for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree without finding any. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground?’
“And he answered and said to him, ‘Let it alone, sir, for this year too, until I dig around it and put in fertilizer;
and if it bears fruit next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.’”

Jesus calls it a parable from the start. A teaching story. Intended to be applied to other situations beyond the literal – but let’s start there.

Fig trees apparently do take a while to bloom.  From here:

Figs have a long juvenile period, or length of time in which a plant will not produce fruit — possibly four years to five years.

So the story is literally true.  Yes, there will be differences in types of figs, fertilization, weather and climate – none of that disqualifies the literal story.

Then we have it at the personal level.  The fruit of the spirit can take a while to show up.  From Galatians 5:22-23:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Is Jesus saying He wants to see all of these from us within four years of salvation, or He will kill us?  Nope – that’s being too literal.  He does want to see fruits from us.  He also knows that we are dust.  There was only one who got it all right, all the time – and they crucified Him.

This could be applied at an organizational level as well.  A new church plant will take time to start showing fruit.  The church I attend, in its new incarnation, is only about three or four years old, and is starting to see the growth I would have liked from day one.  But that would have been the fast growth of an annual plant, that flowers and dies.  It could have been the slow growth of an apple tree, which can take a decade to produce first fruit.  No, my church is more like a fig tree.

Then there’s the implied warning against fruitlessness, at the literal, personal, and organizational levels.  I don’t believe we are on a 4-year growth chart, and then out the door (whichever door you care to pick – death, destruction, abandonment).  The thief on the cross is a great example of God’s grace – he had not lived a Godly life, only becoming a Christian after he had nails in his hands and feet.  And he didn’t have a lot of time to show character development and fruits of the spirit, although the KJV translates patience as longsuffering.  That thief still went to Heaven.

We must also be fertilized.  We need to read the Bible and pray, participate in Bible study (individual and group), and attending church services.  All of these encourage growth and fruit production.  There is hope, and time, and opportunity for all of us to grow and produce.

How’s your orchard?