My grandmother had manic depression. Oh, wait, by the time she was diagnosed, it had been renamed to “bipolar disorder”.
I’m not sure whether my Dad suffers from this, but I seem to have caught a hint of it.
In the distant past, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Two psychologists, a psychiatrist, a loving wife, and a merciful God helped me out of that particular hole. I still have bouts of depression.
I can tell when it hits, not because the world suddenly turns dark and dreary, like a Zoloft commercial, but rather because every choice looks like a bad choice. Usually, given a situation and available resources, there will be a best course of action. May even be several. But when I am depressed, every one of them is the wrong choice. There is no best choice – they are all equally bad. I have had that happen often enough that I recognize it at a conscious level and start making plans to deal with it.
Tonight, though, I think I saw the opposite side of the coin. Bettie and I were watching a recent David Letterman show where the musical guest was Dierks Bentley. He performed the song Tip it on Back. And I liked the song – a lot. A lot more than I should, actually. The lyrics tell of a guy and his girl going out to a bar on a Friday night, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. They played well, and the sound was mixed nicely so you could hear the words. But still, it was country.
A while later, reflecting on my sudden new interest in country music, including a guy I had never heard of before, I realized that this was the flip side of depression. I don’t want to go as far as including thrash metal and whatever passes for rap these days, but I think I would have found almost any performance interesting. The performer was not the big deal – the interest was within myself. I know I can get giddy at times, but this was the first experience I have had with recognizing my own manic response.
Just like with the depression side, I will have to guard against the excesses of mania.
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February 13, 2012 at 3:53 am
Dave
I’ve been diagnosed with manic depression for about twenty five years, so I know how it goes with mania. It’s important that you know your limits-getting giddy over a country song is one thing (and I understand you feeling a bit disconcerted, after all, like you said it is country…bleech) but if things start happening like a sudden decrease or disappearance in your need to sleep, well then you have to be careful. Unchecked mania can tend to turn into outright psychosis if it’s allowed to advance too far. Other warning signs besides the sleep thing include heavily impulsive overspending, waning appetite, and a hyperactive sex drive.
The big thing for me is monitoring my sleep. I can have elevated moods, and some light manic features at times and it doesn’t negatively impact my life-actually it helps me creatively. But if I suddenly stop sleeping then I go see a doctor before I wind up “visiting the bad” so to speak.
Stay well.
February 13, 2012 at 4:28 am
Steve
Thanks for the comment, Dave. I don’t think I have gotten full-blown manic since my time with the professionals and Welbutrin. Before that, I did act as if I was invincible, and almost destroyed my marriage. Now I understand that the feeling of “I *deserve* this or that” should be examined closely.
Sleep has been a problem – with only Bettie and me, there is no adult supervision. Healing from my recent surgeries has taught me the benefit of sleep, and I am starting to do the math better. If I have to get up at 7,and I want 8 hours, then 2AM won’t cut it. I am also getting better at recognizing that fact earlier in the evening, and setting up road blocks for myself, so I do what I want to do, instead of doing whatever I feel like at the moment.